February 26, 2010

Jude 9 shows that the spiritual war between God & Satan takes place on this earth and in us. It's easy to think about war as far away and foreign, but we truthfully acknowledge war's nearness in the Lord's prayer - "deliver us from evil." The "horizontal" concept of fighting in spiritual warfare means to rebuke the darkness we see around us, day to day. This is the way to defeat Satan.
I've been praying for spiritual warfare all this time without realizing it. I haven't been asking for evils drawn out, but rather, light to be drawn in. My personal prayers for those around me, and within myself, are good vs. evil prayers.

February 25, 2010

I'm reading a biography of Eva Braun, the woman that wed Hitler hours before they committed suicide together. Diary excerpts are included in the book. On some of Hitler's most historically significant dates, Eva wrote diary entries that say only that he didn't call that day, and she was very disappointed. She was so obsessed with who Hitler was in her life that she was blind to who Hitler was in the world. His affairs with Poland were of no gain to her, and therefore no interest. She missed out on understanding a lot of Hitler's character because of this self-centeredness. I need to know God in the world, not just my world.

February 22, 2010

I've been questioning whether my visions & metaphors are truly from God or from my own wandering mind. The truth is that God does not always speak to us in a way we expect- which makes it all more of a challenge to hear when it is from Him. I was doubting His words today by telling myself that I can look at anything and create from it a metaphor about God, the way a paranoid person finds suspicion in anything. The Lord told me this is nota bad thing or preoccupation, but a blessing. To be able to find God in any situation is to be able to relate His word to any person's life, therefore bringing glory to His kingdom.

Asked the Lord how much to let my mind wander during prayer time. Some of the most groundbreaking truths have come through while my mind is floating, but I don't want to disrespect our time together by not paying attention. The Lord reminded me that I always get convicted when I veer to a place that's not constructive, and set back on His path. Just listen to His calling and obey.

February 19, 2010

1 Corinthians 14:3- "But everyone who prophesies speaks to men for their strengthening, encouragement and comfort."

I need to live this.

February 18, 2010

Heard on the radio: No one ever became a Christian because they lost an argument. Evangelism isn't about out-debating someone, but about modeling the love of Christ for them to see.

(The following was written on 2/18/10, and is being uploaded on 4/29/10. It took me a few detours to figure out exactly where my journal writings should be headed. This is one of those "scenic routes.")

Answered prayer for direction and clarity of my purpose in the Kingdom. I believe these writings are a gift of prophecy- to speak God's truth. My attention to voice in writing, overly analytical approach and tendency to view everything from all sides as a potential debate are blessings sent to prepare and nurture my ability to prophesy.
My flesh is uncomfortable with the idea of attention and leadership. I fear failure and rejection. My flesh is of this world and, because Satan was cast to the earth, my flesh is tainted. My spirit, however, belongs to God. It is crucial that my mortal mind make the decision to answer to my spirit instead of my flesh, especially when my flesh is most uncomfortable. Satan attacks strongest that which intimidates him the most. An existence with God in which your flesh is content is not a growing relationship. Saying it again. An existence with God in which your flesh is content is NOT a growing relationship. The strain of flesh is a healthy trait of spirituality - it is how we measure our growth. Aim for stretch marks. Let the inside grow faster than the outside can contain.

February 17, 2010

God asked me something this morning, and it is just rubbing me raw.

Would Carson be able to tell his parents are Christians?

Is our household one that proclaims His name boldly? Do we pray without hesitation? Are we modeling Christ's compassion to one another in the privacy of our home?

I don't think so.

Heard: Move within the body and assume leadership positions. Leadership is not something that we are comfortable with, but something that we've done before when necessary (as in, Numana events).
Urging to create a better prayer life for our family and home. Specifically, I need to model three different forms of prayer life for Carson. He needs to witness me praying to God individually, strengthening our personal relationship. He needs to witness Zach & I praying together, so that one day he can understand how to lead his wife in this way. Lastly, I need to be praying with him regularly, on his level. The level of an 18-month-old may be simply "thank you for food and a bed and parents" (that may even be over his head), but by meeting him at his level, I'm giving him an opportunity to grow individually in his prayers. The goal is for him to see where he is at, and where his parents are at as adults, and to bridge this gap with a maturity and submissive spirit for the Lord.

February 16, 2010

I've struggled as a non-believer with the idea of blaming Satan for every non-believing rationalization that I had. I wanted credit for my own logic and didn't see myself as simply a pawn between good and evil.
2 Corinthians 4:4- "The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God."
This tells me that I was designed to know God as truth and exist in agreement with Him. Satan took the world and blinded men to the truth of God, so our minds no longer discern the truth easily.
We are still responsible for our choices and loyalties, but the concept of relying on the world's logic did not originate within us. For a period of my life I chose to follow darkness. I did not create it.

*Also* I've been planning for some time to write a memoir for my descendants. The last weeks, I've come to realize that God is writing it for me in our time together.

February 15, 2010

"God will not give you more than you can handle."
I disagree. The most minimal task of living a pure life in an impure world is more than man can handle. We are supposed to be overwhelmed by living independently of God - man is designed to rely on the strength of God. We are guaranteed to face situations that are more than we can handle. My rewrite is:
"God will not give you more than He can handle."

February 11, 2010

Called to: Find my place and get moving. This knowledge is not meant for my salvation, but for my spreading the Word. Move from an audience to an army.

(This was written on 2/11/10. I didn't find my place until April 2010.)

February 9, 2010

Prayed: To be so broken to fully appreciate the Lord's value, worth & beauty as in 1 Peter 2:9- "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness and into His wonderful light."
Heard: God has already designed me to do this. It's in my nature. I need to ask for deliverance from lies of the world, distraction and the fog of darkness. I need to see clearly.

February 7, 2010

Sonogram technology offers expectant mothers glimpses of their babies before birth. Two-D sonograms measure length and width to get an image of a baby's profile - exciting, but not very personal (honestly, you know they all look alike). Three-D sonograms measure length, width & depth to create a much more realistic snapshot of the baby's face. Sweet as it is to see the baby's face, many moms opt to take it a step further and watch their baby in motion in utero. This is done by applying the fourth dimension, time. If you want to know about God, you can get a 2-D image by hearing about Him from others. If you want to see His face & know Him, you can read the Bible and get a great account of things He's done in the past (emphasis here: in the past. A snapshot is always of a moment already passed). But if you want to watch God move in you in the present, the only way is by applying the fourth dimension of time. Invest your time in prayer and worship, and experience a living God in motion today.

February 6, 2010

I received a metaphor from God on perseverence sometime mid-January.
See faith as a roller coaster (I know, cliche, right?). In order to gain enough momentum to complete a loop, cars must be dropped from a great height. The ride to the top isn't thrilling or any great experience at all, but you wouldn't dream of climbing out mid-ascension because you're bored. Persevere through the climb, and that effort will become momentum.

February 3, 2010

Heard: Have a TV-free week. Leave the laptop downstairs.
Be still, and know that I am God.
Get off the couch, and into the day.

(He had to bring this up during Winter Olympics, didn't He?)

Added on 4/29/10: I did complete the TV-free week, and was eager to have it end. After day 7, TV was back on as usual. Only a few days later, Cox randomly audited our neighborhood, realized that we don't actually subscribe to cable, and unplugged us. We don't care enough about TV to pay for it, and therefore now only have channels 2-22. TV hasn't been a distraction since February. When it's not an option, it's not hard to ignore. Pretty sure God took care of that for us.

February 1, 2010

I need an eternal perspective. Look beyond the earth & its trials that eventually pass. Focus on the permanence and adequacy of the Lord that remains.

Prayed today for: a passion and a fire, as prayer life just feels dead.
Heard: I already have that fire if I'm still here, seeking the Lord during hardship.
Reread Love & Respect, this time with Zach.