Tuesday, November 23, 2010

November 23, 2010

Thinking about forgiveness tonight, and how badly I struggle with bringing my heart to forget transgressions that haven't been atoned. I can forgive a person that's sorry. I can forgive a person that is ignorant. But I struggle a lot more with forgiving a person that is knowingly and intentionally hurting me on a regular basis without any showing of remorse. God commanded me to forgiveness today, and I responded with a "butbutbut" - How do I forgive someone that continues to offend? I find myself asking God to equip me with proper forgiveness to this person, so that I may speak the word forgiveness to him and let it ring true in my soul.

But that's not how it works.

It doesn't need to ring true in my soul, I don't need to "feel" it.
Forgiveness is truthfully a lot more like love- real, weathered love. Love is not something that I speak of and am magically filled with the feeling of. Love is something that I am privileged to speak of because I work for it.

Example: Carson is going through a crazy, trying stage right now (I've heard it's called "being 2"). I can't recall the last day that he didn't experience some kind of time-out. Before, during, and after every time-out I have ever given him, I affirm over and over, "I love you."
And it's not a lie.
I love him while I'm spanking him, I love him while I'm confining him to his bedroom, I love him while we're having serious talkings-to. I love him through the process, in spite of his behavior.

It is possible to love someone "through the process" of unloveable behavior.
So my logic says it must be possible to forgive someone through the process of hurtful behavior.

I don't speak it into existence, and it doesn't always feel peaceful in my soul, but so long as I am resolved to working through the process, I must be in a state of forgiveness.