Doing a study on the book of Mark, and I'm just coming up with too clear of understanding to not document.
Today's progress:
Mark 10:46-52
Jesus's choice of words in verse 52 interests me. Not "I have healed you," (although this would be a true statement), but "Your faith has healed you." Jesus seemed to have a way of making his ability known without directly demanding praise for himself. Jesus gives Bartimaeus sight not because of his own mercy or grace, but because of Bartimaeus's faith. What I gain from this is that our spiritual lives reflect a self-fulfilling prophecy. Jesus performs to the same degree we expect of him. Later on, in Mark 11:24, Jesus says, "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
This leads me to: Why would the God-man share his glory with us? Why give us credit for faith when the true work being done is on his end? My best response is that he loves us and wants to encourages our faith. What could be more encouraging than to see results credited to your effort? I'll liken it to parenting- when Carson asks politely for a drink, I do not hand it to him and tell him, "I, O mighty mother, have provided this drink for you from self-sacrifice and love, and it is right that you ask politely because you are eternally indebted to me." I simply hand it over and say, "Thank you for asking nicely." Reinforcing good behavior never fails to elicit more good behavior.
Mark 12:13-17
Jesus is clarifying for the legalistic ones whether or not to pay taxes. After all, Jesus is a rebel who challenges the norms of culture. Jesus answers the question by looking at a coin of the day. It is stamped (engraved? chiseled? etched?) with the image of Caesar. Mark 12:17 "Then Jesus said to them, 'Give to Caeasar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's." The coin bore the image of Caesar, but man bears the image of God.
Background info on the image of God:
God Himself is a trinity - Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
Man is a trinity - spirit, Soul, Body
No other living creation is a trinity. Dogs have bodies, and you could argue that dogs have souls (who hasn't seen a dog "cry" or pout?). But there is no question that dogs do not have spirits. The spirit (little s) is the vessel within a man that is capable of receiving the Holy Spirit (big S), should the man accept. Dogs do not know Jesus, and are not capable of carrying his Spirit within them.
Man alone bears God's image, because man alone is a trinity capable of carrying the Holy Spirit. (FYI, I believe angels are not trinities. They have spirit and soul, but no body.)
Back to Mark 12:17. The coin bears the image of Caesar, and thus belongs to Caesar. We bear the image of God, and thus belong to God.
Send the money away, Jesus says. Let Caesar collect the metal currency he so favors, this currency has no bearing in the Kingdom of God. Keep yourself reserved for the Lord, as this is the treasure He most seeks.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
November 23, 2010
Thinking about forgiveness tonight, and how badly I struggle with bringing my heart to forget transgressions that haven't been atoned. I can forgive a person that's sorry. I can forgive a person that is ignorant. But I struggle a lot more with forgiving a person that is knowingly and intentionally hurting me on a regular basis without any showing of remorse. God commanded me to forgiveness today, and I responded with a "butbutbut" - How do I forgive someone that continues to offend? I find myself asking God to equip me with proper forgiveness to this person, so that I may speak the word forgiveness to him and let it ring true in my soul.
But that's not how it works.
It doesn't need to ring true in my soul, I don't need to "feel" it.
Forgiveness is truthfully a lot more like love- real, weathered love. Love is not something that I speak of and am magically filled with the feeling of. Love is something that I am privileged to speak of because I work for it.
Example: Carson is going through a crazy, trying stage right now (I've heard it's called "being 2"). I can't recall the last day that he didn't experience some kind of time-out. Before, during, and after every time-out I have ever given him, I affirm over and over, "I love you."
And it's not a lie.
I love him while I'm spanking him, I love him while I'm confining him to his bedroom, I love him while we're having serious talkings-to. I love him through the process, in spite of his behavior.
It is possible to love someone "through the process" of unloveable behavior.
So my logic says it must be possible to forgive someone through the process of hurtful behavior.
I don't speak it into existence, and it doesn't always feel peaceful in my soul, but so long as I am resolved to working through the process, I must be in a state of forgiveness.
But that's not how it works.
It doesn't need to ring true in my soul, I don't need to "feel" it.
Forgiveness is truthfully a lot more like love- real, weathered love. Love is not something that I speak of and am magically filled with the feeling of. Love is something that I am privileged to speak of because I work for it.
Example: Carson is going through a crazy, trying stage right now (I've heard it's called "being 2"). I can't recall the last day that he didn't experience some kind of time-out. Before, during, and after every time-out I have ever given him, I affirm over and over, "I love you."
And it's not a lie.
I love him while I'm spanking him, I love him while I'm confining him to his bedroom, I love him while we're having serious talkings-to. I love him through the process, in spite of his behavior.
It is possible to love someone "through the process" of unloveable behavior.
So my logic says it must be possible to forgive someone through the process of hurtful behavior.
I don't speak it into existence, and it doesn't always feel peaceful in my soul, but so long as I am resolved to working through the process, I must be in a state of forgiveness.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Zach & I have always assumed that a dog would eventually be a part of our family. We spent some time searching for the perfect puppy last year, only to decide that we were too near our honeymoon to bring a dog in, move it out for a week to a kennel, and then bring it back in. So we decided to wait until we got home from Vegas. We got home from Vegas pregnant. Then we decided that I would probably be too exhausted while chasing three kids and in school to bother with training a puppy (and we were right. I was too exhausted). So we chose to hold off until Codie was no longer a newborn and our family was a little more settled. That time is now.
Call it an act of God (but it would really ruin the end of this story if you did), my sister found a stray dog Sunday night. He fits the description of last year's search for the Perfect Dog to a T. Short hair, non-shedding, Yorkie (with a bit of Schnauzer), over a year old, out of the chewing stage, previously owned and potty trained, great with kids, etc. It's such a perfect fit it hurts.
Here's why it really hurts - someone else in my family (namely, a precious 3-year-old) has also fallen in love with Perfect Dog (who, to protect her identity, shall be referred to as "Rhubarb" from here forward - the dog, not the child).
I spent a good amount of time last night and this morning mentally pitching the perfect argument as to why we've been wanting this dog before we even knew it was available, and why we deserve it more, etc. etc. It felt as though the Rhubarb of our dreams stumbled right into our lives, yet was being stolen from under our noses.
And then I changed my mind.
Knowing that I'd rather lose adding to Rhubarb to our family than lose a relationship with an existing member, God ordered me to let it go.
Amazing thing happens when you change your mind.
In my mind, Rhubarb went from being "stolen from under our noses" to a precious gift for a precious 3-year-old (who really does have too rampant of an imagination to NOT have a Rhubarb yet). Having something beloved stolen from you is painful, but giving something beloved to someone beloved is joyous.
Change your mind.
At house church a few weeks ago, we talked about repenting. A basic definition of repent is to change your mind.
I'm just now understanding what Sister Hazel meant in their great 90s song:
"If you want to be somebody else, change your mind."
Me of last night is a different somebody than the me of today.
Repent, change your mind, be somebody else - somebody willingly transformed in Christ.
Call it an act of God (but it would really ruin the end of this story if you did), my sister found a stray dog Sunday night. He fits the description of last year's search for the Perfect Dog to a T. Short hair, non-shedding, Yorkie (with a bit of Schnauzer), over a year old, out of the chewing stage, previously owned and potty trained, great with kids, etc. It's such a perfect fit it hurts.
Here's why it really hurts - someone else in my family (namely, a precious 3-year-old) has also fallen in love with Perfect Dog (who, to protect her identity, shall be referred to as "Rhubarb" from here forward - the dog, not the child).
I spent a good amount of time last night and this morning mentally pitching the perfect argument as to why we've been wanting this dog before we even knew it was available, and why we deserve it more, etc. etc. It felt as though the Rhubarb of our dreams stumbled right into our lives, yet was being stolen from under our noses.
And then I changed my mind.
Knowing that I'd rather lose adding to Rhubarb to our family than lose a relationship with an existing member, God ordered me to let it go.
Amazing thing happens when you change your mind.
In my mind, Rhubarb went from being "stolen from under our noses" to a precious gift for a precious 3-year-old (who really does have too rampant of an imagination to NOT have a Rhubarb yet). Having something beloved stolen from you is painful, but giving something beloved to someone beloved is joyous.
Change your mind.
At house church a few weeks ago, we talked about repenting. A basic definition of repent is to change your mind.
I'm just now understanding what Sister Hazel meant in their great 90s song:
"If you want to be somebody else, change your mind."
Me of last night is a different somebody than the me of today.
Repent, change your mind, be somebody else - somebody willingly transformed in Christ.
Monday, August 2, 2010
August 2, 2010
Never expected to relate to an Adam Lambert song, but my theme today is "What do you want from me?"
I've had this notion for the past couple of weeks that I need to learn to speak Spanish. I feel that it would make me a much more valuable witness and volunteer (someday). I prayed on this Friday night and very clearly heard back, "Why learn to talk to them if you don't know how to speak to them?"
One of my signature strengths/weaknesses (because they are the same thing, after all) is that I am horribly uncomfortable around people unlike myself. I tend to take on the personality of my company and often end up misrepresenting myself. I can get away with this when the company I keep is similar enough to me, but it's the core reason why I'm scared to diversify my life. It's not that I fear other cultures, it's that I fear offending these people/making an idiot of myself by trying too hard to relate. Just think of Steve Carrell in... well, any role he's ever played. Remember the episode of The Office with Prison Mike? Exactly. He's at least taller than 5'1 to back up some of that facade.
So the point is, God needs me to not just learn the language. He needs me to learn to represent Him and myself strongly and without compromise. I decided that I'd put off learning the language until I'm in a stronger position. Then I passed a sign yesterday advertising free Spanish lessons on Saturday mornings.
Freak.
Confusion.
How in the world do you decide if something is a sign from God, or a sign that you're looking too far into things?
I decided to go ahead and proceed with Spanish lessons. We get free Rosetta Stone (thank you, USAF) and I've talked to a lot of other people interested in learning. The idea here is to be fluent in communicating with other cultures before I become fluent in talking to Spanish-speakers.
How do you know God's on my side today? I babysat 6 kids aged 5 & under, wasn't tempted to beat any of them, and didn't even cry! Progress!
I've had this notion for the past couple of weeks that I need to learn to speak Spanish. I feel that it would make me a much more valuable witness and volunteer (someday). I prayed on this Friday night and very clearly heard back, "Why learn to talk to them if you don't know how to speak to them?"
One of my signature strengths/weaknesses (because they are the same thing, after all) is that I am horribly uncomfortable around people unlike myself. I tend to take on the personality of my company and often end up misrepresenting myself. I can get away with this when the company I keep is similar enough to me, but it's the core reason why I'm scared to diversify my life. It's not that I fear other cultures, it's that I fear offending these people/making an idiot of myself by trying too hard to relate. Just think of Steve Carrell in... well, any role he's ever played. Remember the episode of The Office with Prison Mike? Exactly. He's at least taller than 5'1 to back up some of that facade.
So the point is, God needs me to not just learn the language. He needs me to learn to represent Him and myself strongly and without compromise. I decided that I'd put off learning the language until I'm in a stronger position. Then I passed a sign yesterday advertising free Spanish lessons on Saturday mornings.
Freak.
Confusion.
How in the world do you decide if something is a sign from God, or a sign that you're looking too far into things?
I decided to go ahead and proceed with Spanish lessons. We get free Rosetta Stone (thank you, USAF) and I've talked to a lot of other people interested in learning. The idea here is to be fluent in communicating with other cultures before I become fluent in talking to Spanish-speakers.
How do you know God's on my side today? I babysat 6 kids aged 5 & under, wasn't tempted to beat any of them, and didn't even cry! Progress!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
July 13, 2010
Guess who's back... Back again...
Alright, here's the thing - I'm burned out on formalities. I've been way too concerned with the formal text of these blogs, and way too concerned with having a new and relevant topic on a daily basis. This is not how God operates. I don't have a coin-operated God. He does not dispense wisdom on demand when I put a quarter in. He dispenses wisdom when my life experience brings me to my knees in the realization that I have no idea what I'm doing- that this world is not designed for me to sustain without Him.
That being said, how in the world can I command a daily revelation from the Lord? The pressure of forcing myself into "growth" every day, just for the sake of a blog, does nothing to glorify Him. The pressure of filling an hour of focused, moving prayer while not allowing the kids to kill themselves or each other does nothing to glorify God. Rather, in my personal life, it's disrespectful to Him. The Lord has put under my responsibility four children that deserve to see Him operating in love - not to be pacified and distracted by TV for an hour so I can have alone time. His will for me as a caretaker and mother simply does not coincide with my former will for me as an all-star contributor to the DNI team.
The point is, I am shedding structured expectations of my walk with my Father. We may spend 5 hours together some days, we may spend 5 minutes together others. Who can put a standard of time over the Creator of time? I may advance leaps and bounds with God some days (today), some days we may be lucky to tread water (the last month). Who can measure whether God is at work?
I'm so tired of attempting to live up to these self-imposed expectations of what God needs to be doing for me. I'm so tired of feeling like a failure when I haven't pushed Him enough. I'm so tired of forcing my life with Him, instead of just living it.
I have no idea when I'll update next. But I can guarantee that when I do, it'll finally be God speaking instead of me.
Alright, here's the thing - I'm burned out on formalities. I've been way too concerned with the formal text of these blogs, and way too concerned with having a new and relevant topic on a daily basis. This is not how God operates. I don't have a coin-operated God. He does not dispense wisdom on demand when I put a quarter in. He dispenses wisdom when my life experience brings me to my knees in the realization that I have no idea what I'm doing- that this world is not designed for me to sustain without Him.
That being said, how in the world can I command a daily revelation from the Lord? The pressure of forcing myself into "growth" every day, just for the sake of a blog, does nothing to glorify Him. The pressure of filling an hour of focused, moving prayer while not allowing the kids to kill themselves or each other does nothing to glorify God. Rather, in my personal life, it's disrespectful to Him. The Lord has put under my responsibility four children that deserve to see Him operating in love - not to be pacified and distracted by TV for an hour so I can have alone time. His will for me as a caretaker and mother simply does not coincide with my former will for me as an all-star contributor to the DNI team.
The point is, I am shedding structured expectations of my walk with my Father. We may spend 5 hours together some days, we may spend 5 minutes together others. Who can put a standard of time over the Creator of time? I may advance leaps and bounds with God some days (today), some days we may be lucky to tread water (the last month). Who can measure whether God is at work?
I'm so tired of attempting to live up to these self-imposed expectations of what God needs to be doing for me. I'm so tired of feeling like a failure when I haven't pushed Him enough. I'm so tired of forcing my life with Him, instead of just living it.
I have no idea when I'll update next. But I can guarantee that when I do, it'll finally be God speaking instead of me.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
July 1, 2010
We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a hallelujah
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a hallelujah
July 1, 2010
Things aren't going so hot. Dropped my DNI times and let go of the sense of responsibility I had for the blog. Given the ages of the kids I am caring for right now, I literally do not have sixty consecutive minutes in the day to concentrate on anything. Sixty consecutive seconds to use the restroom can be a stretch (literally- Carson gave Codie 30 doses of Mylicon Monday while I was in the bathroom). Our computer is in our basement, and it's not babyproof enough to have the kids down here. I can't leave them unsupervised for any amount of time, so I'm lucky if I get online once a week to balance the checkbook. Daily blogging, following an hour of focused prayer, is simply not a possibility at this stage of life. Returning to school seemed like a good idea to keep me occupied & challenged, as being a housewife can get pretty mundane. Instead, it's trumped everything. I care about God, Zach and my family far more than I care about education. And yet, those are the departments I'm sacrificing for education. Pray for me? I'm not so good at this time management thing.
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